I smell stomach acid.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
