She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
