We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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