I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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