My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
