Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
