You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
