I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
