The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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