If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
