Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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