i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and she was petting her beer can
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
