i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
