Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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