I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
