we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize