This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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