Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
