he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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