Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
