I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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