why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
