there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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