Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
