Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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