Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
