the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
