So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
