and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
