my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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