We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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