i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
