i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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