fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
