my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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