You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
