there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pants are for mortals
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
