Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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