I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
