please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
