Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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