My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
