were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize