no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
