I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
