is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
