Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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