this beer tastes like vomit already
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
