Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
