I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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