genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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