meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
