I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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