I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
