Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We have started to decorate penises.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
