i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
