you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
