remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
