I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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