I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
