I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
