Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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