i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
