Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
