hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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