girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
