i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
